5 Signs You’re an Adult
Are you an adult? It depends on how you look at it. Some people say once you hit puberty, bam, you’re an adult. Others look at the age of consent, whether you can buy alcohol and cigarettes, and if you can vote. Many cultures have coming-of-age ceremonies: quinceanera, sweet 16, confirmation, bar/bat mitzvah, and others.
Some people claim to be a child at heart, while others consider themselves grown-up as soon as they get their first paycheck. Because the guidelines are so confusing, I’ve come up with a few of my own.
Garbage
Ah, that smelly chore that could lead to divorce. A rollercoaster ride has nothing on the way your stomach drops when the garbage bag rips. Whether garbage gets strewn everywhere or the compost bin leaks (yuck!), your instinct is to yell out, “Mom! Dad!”
Sadly, you realize you’re the adult in this situation. With a clothespin over your nose and gardening gloves on your hands, you attack the garbage with a vengeance.
Lucky Charms
You still eat Lucky Charms cereal because “they’re magically delicious.” But as a busy professional, you have no time to painstakingly pick out the marshmallows and eat them on their own. You prefer to spend the time saved watching Netflix in your pajamas.
Washing Machine
You are browsing the internet one day and stumble upon some golden advice. You’re so excited. You implement it right away. What is it, you may ask? Well, it’s tips on extending the life of your washing machine.
You are now following the 10 step program for properly cleaning and maintaining your washing machine. Leaving the machine door closed after laundry? That’s for newbs!
Toothpicks
Toothpicks are great for picking teeth. But, if you’re like me and bought 200 toothpicks for $1, you can’t let them go to waste. You now use toothpicks to check that cakes are cooked through, clean hard-to-reach areas of those pesky “adult” water bottles, and scrape dirt out of the soles of your shoes.
Mason Jars
Nothing compares to the satisfaction of buying specialty tomato sauce in glass mason jars. You can finally discard the two oddly shaped jars from pickled mushrooms you’ve been saving for a rainy day.
What do you use the jars for? Well, mostly, they gather dust in the pantry, but you never know when you’ll need to freeze extra chicken soup for the adult soul. Better yet, when someone asks to borrow a jar, your chest puffs out in pride at the collection you can profer.
Conclusion
If you scored 5/5, you’re an advanced adult. If you didn’t, here’s a bonus for all the points: when you realize you’re on your last square of toilet paper and you have no one to blame but yourself. Congratulations! Or not…
